Monday, March 7, 2011

A little bit closer...

Today Carys is 24 weeks! Although this doesn't mean we are 'out of the woods' by any stretch of the imagination, it means that if I go into labor any time soon, she's got a fighting chance. I am still cautious, but hopeful. I am coming out of the phase where I am made nervous by every little twinge and ache, and am able to relax a little bit about the prospects of our future. I still feel like a passenger on a rollercoaster, but it's not as scary as it used to be.

I spend a lot of time thinking about my pregnancy, and the impact my little girl has already had on my life. The happiest experience of my life is also a tremendous exercise in trust for both myself and my husband, because we have no control over things.

The difficult part for me was not accepting that God is in control, because there is no disputing that - He just is. The hard pill to swallow was knowing that He is in control and trusting that His will is perfect. It's hard to be satisfied with just, "don't worry, God is in control," when you're worried that His plan might separate you from the child you carry.

My husband carries an even bigger burden than I do, in my opinion. This whole pregnancy he's had to trust that I will do the things I need to take care of our little girl. He can make suggestions, but ultimately it is my job to eat and drink the things she needs, and he can't always be put at ease by feeling her move around like I can. He has to rely solely on me to protect his little girl, and do all that I can to bring her into the world safely. I am honored that he chose to gift me with this responsibility- although she was a surprise, she was certainly a choice.

In lighter news, I finally found a nursery set that I love- it's a pricey one, but so sweet. We don't have a crib yet, but hopefully we'll be able to find one in our price range that fits our needs soon. Her nursery is slowly starting to come together- every day is closer to bringing her home.

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