I am having a moment.

First things first...

26 weeks today! We are officially in the double digits on our countdown- 98 days to go.

I had another visit with my OB, Dr. W today that admittedly, went well for the most part. My fundal height measured at 27 cm., which is right on for Carys' gestational age. At this point in the pregnancy, my understanding is that it is supposed to be 1 cm for every week pregnant, +/- 2 cm. or so considered to be a normal margin. Dr. W said she is a great size though, not too big and not too little. My blood pressure is still hanging out at about 100/60, so she was happy with those numbers, too.

I'd heard from a few other women that the doctor should be able to feel by palpitating the abdomen how the baby is laying in my uterus at this stage, so I asked her about it today. Carys is head down (good girl!) and when Dr. W checked her, she was laying on her left side in the fetal position- her back facing my left side, her butt pointed towards my sternum, and little legs curled. She confirmed this analysis by kicking furiously at the exact spot Dr. W indicated her feet were.

The fFN test we did today to check for risk of premature labor is presumably negative - she said she would contact me if it came back showing anything and I haven't heard from her. As they say, no news is good news. My cervix is still long and closed, so chances are the baby will keep cooking at least for the next two weeks. Her chances of survival outside of the womb went from 50% last week to 85% this week. These are all good things, and I'm thankful for them.

Now, on to the not so good part.

I had my one hour glucose tolerance test today, and I failed it. Basically, they have you either fast or not eat carbs/sugary/fatty stuff before the test (my doctor subscribes to the latter), have you come into the office, drink glucose (awful, super-sweet syrup that tastes vaguely like a melted orange popsicle), wait for an hour, and then they test your blood sugar. In order to pass the test, it has to be below 140. Mine was 171.

Fortunately, this is not a conclusive indicator of gestational diabetes, and from what I understand there are plenty of women that fail the one hour test that go on to pass the later screening and can continue on in their pregnancy happy as clams, eating as they please.

Unfortunately, it does mean that I will have to take the longer version of the GTT at a diagnostic center by my doctor's office. They schedule them early and a 12 hour fast before the test is required - I will be able to eat until about 8 pm on the night prior and then will have only water until the test is completed. They will test my blood sugar before the test and then once an hour until three hours have elapsed. Because of the longer duration I will have to drink twice as much glucose, which I am not looking forward to.

I expect to be a miserable, cranky woman the day of the test until I receive the results and have a full belly.

I was upset to have failed the one hour, though; in a bizarre way, it feels like a personal failing that I didn't pass the initial screening with flying colors. I feel like it is my responsibility to take care of my body and the little one inside of it and that I have in some way let her down. It's not really a rational line of thought but being too rational isn't something I've been accused of during this pregnancy. Surprisingly enough, I found myself really embarrassed to have failed- in my mind when the results came back, Dr. W was imagining me at home wolfing down donuts, ice cream, candy bars, etc., like a piglet -one right after another without regard for my own health. I don't like being 'abnormal', especially as it relates to my pregnancy.

By all intents and purposes, I should be considered low risk for GD.

I'm white (believe it or not, race is a determination in risk factor), under 25 years old (not by much, but still...), had a normal BMI and exercised regularly before pregnancy, am gaining weight at the pace my doctor dictated, have never had high blood sugar results before, haven't had any previous pregnancies, and have a normal blood pressure. I have a fairly healthy diet (although I do love my carbs and could eat a little more protein), with lots of whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, and I don't drink soda, sweetened tea or sugary fruit juices.

I feel guilty now and haven't even been diagnosed yet - I can only imagine the self-flagellation that will occur if the results come back determining I have gestational diabetes.

I know I need to relax about it and that there's a fair chance I'll pass the three hour test, but I'm kind of pitching a fit right now. Maybe putting myself (and baby) down for a nap will fix my wagon and I won't be as inclined to be so cranky.